Käse = Cheese
the scary thing is, ‘hand’ means the same in German as it does in English
…luckily it’s less than 1% fat
Category Archives: Life: Hilarious Happenings
The bizarre happenings of my German existence…
A Quiet New Years Eve…
As it’s our first year as mommy & daddy we decided to forego our usual Silvester Bash and spend a quiet night at home welcoming the new year with our little mouse…it didn’t quite happen that way…
…from 7pm – 3am we had our very own crashbangshakethewindows light show presented in surround sound, both in front and behind our building. erm…yay?
Without further ado….may I present…A Quiet New Years Eve in Germany….
Looks like …..?
Yesterday I had a wisdom tooth pulled…not as painful as I thought it would be but I still can’t eat anything crunchier than soup broth, pudding & yoghurt. As I’m in no mood to cook just for my hubby he went to the Metzger (deli) and got himself some Wuerstchen & Kartoffelsalat. Imagine our deviant delight when he opened the bag of Wuerstchen (sausages) & pulled out this beauty:
A W E S O M E!
From nearly every angle it looks just like….
American Daze…
Yeehaw! It’s American Days at the supermarket again! A rarity that happens only once or twice each summer. We can now stock up on such delicacies as 2 in 1 Ketchup & Mayo in a tube, hotdogs in a jar & something called ‘Salad Sauce’! Everything is so nicely packaged in Red, White & Blue too!
Click photo to enlarge
Is this seriously what Germans think (North) Americans eat? Is it actually what (North) Americans eat? It’s been so long since I’ve been back to Canada that Ketchup & Mayo in a tube could now be a must-have for any household….
I will admit to being a bit excited about the peanut butter (it’s hard to find here) & the maple syrup…I am Canadian after all…
…now another supermarket has jumped on the American Way bandwagon
Wow! Everything from US Rib-Eye-Steak to Hamburger Sauce & Milkshakes…we better mosey on down and get us some MCENNEDY AMERICAN WAY products!
Why shopping in a different language is fun:
… to my English-speaking eyes that says Shove it!
(the name is actually a mix of the words Schokolade (chocolate) & Vitamin…evidently German Schokolade Getraenkepulver is packed full of vitamins!)
You know your neighbourhood is going down when…
The majestically huge new ad across the street…
& just as we turned from taking this photo an added bonus appeared at the stop light:
Ah, Dildo King, you have an awesome way with words – “Sex macht schoen” (translation: sex makes nice)
You can never escape from Dirty Hippies…
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We moved from Urban Berlin (concrete, grafitti, & artsy fartsy dirty hippie bullshit) to Suburban Berlin (greenery, river, parks) in the hopes of finding a nice area to raise our (at that time) unborn child. We thought we’d found a lovely place. Yes, it’s on a main road but there are 3 huge parks, a forest & a river all within easy walking distance – not to mention the shopping center & train station nearby! We moved in just before Christmas, the area all festive & snowy & clean, even the crappy building next door looked as if it only needed a paint job… how wrong we were…it is now summer and this is how our building’s back area looks:
(click to enlarge photos)
and this is next door:
Hiding from evacuation police – or – WW2 Bomb found 2 blocks away
In the early morning of July 7 we were blearily completing our morning routine (change/feed baby, make coffee, take dog for potty, get bakery croissants, check e-mails…). As we sat down at our respective computers a loud-speaker (& I mean LOUDspeaker) announcement interrupted our still-sleeping thoughts. -If you’ve never heard a police loud-speaker belting out warnings in German you’re a very lucky person, I thought WW3 had started!
The van commanding “citizens to evacuate the area due to discovery of a 250kg bomb from WW2 in a local construction site” Aaak!
Why road signs exist…
Awhile ago we had nasty road construction for a week (they re-did the tram tracks) and it was non-stop noisy and smelly, just when we thought we couldn’t take any more jackhammering it suddenly stopped and was replaced by a chorus of panicked yelling. We cautiously peered out of our living room window and saw this:
Erm…seriously? Someone had actually driven down the clearly marked half-of-a-street and fallen partway into the giant hole where the old tram tracks used to be. After about 15 minutes of letting the driver try to steer the car out while they pushed (& yelled instructions), the construction dudes finally got the idea to have one of them get into the driver’s seat. This is what we saw next:
(click image to enlarge)
Right…ok…so apparently German driving licences are FOREVER…seriously. You never have to renew a German licence. How f*%#ed-up is that? So, basically you can be ancient, with cataracts, dementia & non-functional limbs and STILL be able to drive in Germany…on the Autobahn…where there is NO SPEED LIMIT! Terrifying but true.
